


It is worth the shot

by ClairefromAyr



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Declarations Of Love, Destiel Day, First Kiss, First Time, Human Castiel (Supernatural), Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, Porn with Feelings, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-09-27 11:54:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20407333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClairefromAyr/pseuds/ClairefromAyr
Summary: After Dean and Cas manage to kill the angel responsible for killing human's in emotional pain, Dean opts to ensure that Cas is not sleeping on the floor of the Gas 'n' Sip.  It's a chance they've never had to be uninterrupted in their chick flick moment talks.  One shot that I could have probably written.  Be kind!





	It is worth the shot

Cas hadn’t been as difficult to track down as Dean had thought. Although used to having to hide when he was an angel, clearly this new human version didn’t have the same instincts of self-preservation. Or, perhaps it was the opposite. Perhaps he was trying to hide in plain sight instead. Surely that was the justification for the Sip and Serve Gas station that Cas seemed to have convinced himself was good enough for him now. 

He’d joked with him about that, trying to break the tension of Cas’s surprise at his presence there. He knew that Cas might still be a bit pissed or feel a little betrayed at having been sent packing from the Bunker, but instead all Dean saw in Cas’s eyes was discomfort. I mean, he expected some of that but thought their reunion might at least bring some fondness or expression of…happiness.

So Dean did what he always did, he joked around and tried to make light of everything that was wrong and fucked up between them and Cas had happily obliged him…as he always did. Now here he was, driving Cas away from the house where he’d thought he might have a date – crestfallen and anxious.

“Perhaps I should move on again.” Cas said sadly, staring out of the window of the Impala, watching the droplets of rain trace their patterns down the pane.

Dean looked over at him in query.

“If you hadn’t arrived when you did…”

“Hey, this isn’t on you ok? Shit happens everywhere. If you hadn’t been here, then a whole bunch of people would have died, alright?” Dean said resolutely and looked at Cas.

Cas’s blue eyes were fixed on him as always, and although the slight quirk of his mouth demonstrated that he accepted what Dean was saying, his eyes had never looked so large and vulnerable. Dean blinked and returned his eyes to the road.

“So, where’s your place anyhow?” Dean asked, clearing his throat.

Cas gave a tired sigh in response and Dean looked to him, raising an eyebrow. Cas closed his eyes for a second, now facing towards the dashboard and let his shoulders drop.

“Cas?” Dean repeated and Cas looked to him, his eyes hiding nothing.

Dean swallowed and frowned.

“You been roughing it? But...you got a job man.” He said in confusion and Cas looked away. “Do you need cash?”

“No.” Cas replied in a quiet tone.

“Then what’s..?”

“I can’t afford to get too comfortable anywhere Dean.”

Dean let out a chuckle of disbelief.

“Buddy, having a roof over your head, even a dingy motel-clad one doesn’t mean you’re getting comfy!”

Cas thinned his lips in response.

“Listen man if it’s a cash flow issue then I could...”

“No.” Cas said abruptly, then looked to him in apology, tilting his head slightly as he continued. “Thank you for the offer.”

Dean exhaled through his nose, knowing that as usual he would be unable to change the stubborn angels’ mind.

“Well I for one need some shut eye man.” Dean said and Cas looked over at him. “And I’m not saying that casa floor aint comfy enough for you normally, but uh, maybe an actual bed would help your now human spine.”

Cas looked far off in thought as Dean allowed the suggestion to sink in, before looking to Dean again and raising his eyebrows ever so minutely. Dean smiled and gave a short nod in response.

They didn’t speak much on the journey to the motel. They both felt tired from the days’ events. They pulled into the lot and got out. Dean checked them into a twin room as Cas stood outside, looking around their location, scanning for any signs of danger. Not that he could scan like he used to. He was human now and more vulnerable than he’d ever thought possible.

They entered the room, with Dean placing down his bag. Cas sat down on one of the beds and seemed to sag a little at its comfort.

“You sleep now I take it?” Dean said assumingly.

“Some. It has taken some getting used to.”

“I bet.” Dean smirked, retrieving two bottles of beer from his bag and handing one to him.

They drank in silence for a few minutes.

“How is, uh…well I mean how are you getting on with all the human stuff?” Dean said, his discomfort in talking openly like this, evident in the tension in his shoulders.

“I’m fine.” Cas said simply and gave a small smile as he took in Dean’s posture.

“Listen about the bunker…” Dean began to say when Cas interrupted him.

“You don’t have to explain yourself Dean.” Cas said and Dean looked to him, studying Cas’s expression for other feedback. “I understand.”

Dean looked down into his bottle and sat down on the other bed to face him.

“Sam is your brother, your family. He has to come first and if I put him I danger, then I can’t be there.” 

His words were so measured, so plain and without emotion. Facts. It made the guilt blossom in Deans’ stomach to hear that. He still sounded like his old self, like a rational angel, but that couldn’t be what he really felt. Dean had seen the hurt and pain in his eyes when he had told him he couldn’t stay with them. He had felt the weight of that betrayal, the fear and heartbreak of being kicked out of the only safe place that he knew of, of the only family that Cas knew. That kinda shit didn’t just…get stored away like this.

“You are family Cas. Never forget that.” Dean said looking at him point blank and Cas looked away, fiddling with the wrapper on his bottle of beer.

“Things are just complicated right now. When things get back to normal…” Dean began to say when Cas looked at him, narrowing his eyes. 

The expression caught Dean off-guard and he paused, trying to read the face that he had memorized over the past few years. You would think that having spent so much time on earth with humans would have helped Cas relax and allow facial expressions to surface, but it seemed to be a talent of his to remain as stone faced as possible. 

“What?” Dean asked, giving up trying to figure out what his friends’ silence meant.

Cas continued to study his face as was his custom and Dean sighed and took a long swig from his bottle. 

“See becoming human hasn’t done much for your social skills Cas.” He commented wryly and Cas frowned.

Uncomfortable silence followed. Dean shook his head and tapped his feet silently on the floor, looking down at them as he gained the courage to say what he really wanted to. Cas merely watched him, letting the bottle warm in his hands as he held it still.

“What I’m trying to say is that, asking you to go…was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.” He said to his feet and Cas stiffened slightly, listening.

Dean swallowed, still looking at his feet and resting his elbows on his knees.

“I want you to know that, uh, we haven’t forgotten about you, out here on your own.” He cleared his throat and flicked his eyes up to Cas.

Cas was looking down at his bottle now, his eyes large and full of emotion. Dean straightened up a little at that.

“If you need anything…hell even if it’s just to ask about paying taxes or something…” Dean tried to joke and Cas looked to him blankly again.

“I have found myself to be quite efficient in dealing with the internal revenue service.” He stated and Dean chuckled and leaned over to give his knee a pat.

The physical contact seemed to brighten Cas and Dean pulled back and gave a small smile. Dean got up to fetch another beer, somewhat satisfied that they had reformed some kind of connection with each other. Cas watched him move around, thinking.

“I never realised, how complicated humans were. Not really, until now.” Cas said absent-mindedly and Dean opened another beer and gestured to him if he wanted another.

Cas shook his head and continued with his thoughts.

“All of the emotion. It’s quite extraordinary.”

“You feel emotion though, I mean, you did before when you were an angel didn’t you?” Dean came and sat in front of him again.

“I believed what I was feeling was emotion, yes, but now that I am human I can see that it was very different.”

“How?” Dean asked curiously and leaned forward resting his embows on his knees again.

Cas narrowed his eyes and thought deeply about how to answer in a way that Dean would understand.

“It’s as though, the emotions were muted. Now everything is so bright, loud, unavoidable…I find myself unable to control them. I don’t summon them, they just flood me.” Cas explained and looked to him for understanding.

Dean nodded his head a few times as he considered that.

“I guess when you were an angel, there were things that might not have interested you or seemed important enough to cause any feeling for. Plenty of humans share that apathy.”

“Apathy.” Cas repeated, frowning. “That sounds so negative.”

“Not always man. Sometimes…” Dean thought on how exhausting it was to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders and therefore how easy it could be to become ambivalent to something as simple as the outcome of a football game or who was president. “…sometimes everybody needs a little apathy.”

“Not you.” Cas said and Dean chuckled and ran his hand through his hair.

“You always think I’m…”

“What?” Cas queried.

“I’m a regular joe like everybody Cas. Been telling you that for years.”

“And you have proven repeatedly that you are much more than that.” Cas said and Dean rubbed his eyes tiredly.

They had had this conversation many times.

“Yeah I’m a friggin hero.” He mumbled and took a long swig from his beer.

Cas looked around the room and exhaled.

“You should go tomorrow. Get back to Sam.” Cas advised and Dean looked to him.

“Tired of me already huh?” He joked but Cas avoided his eyes.

“It would be safer for you.”

“Yeah and you can get back to having a life here.” Dean smiled and Cas nodded. 

Silence fell and as the minutes passed, they each began to sink into the notion of sleep. Dean lay down on the top of his bed and folded his arms. Cas, unaccustomed to having the comfort of a real bed, climbed inside of the covers, sighing when he was comfortable.

Dean looked over to him and smiled to see Cas’s eyes closed and relaxed. After a few minutes Cas began to snore lightly and Dean stared up at the ceiling and listened to every breath. He didn’t want to leave Cas here alone. Clearly he could fend for himself in a lot of ways – he had a job and a chance at some hunnies while he was there, but he was still living like he was on the run. 

Dean sighed. Cas had no other choice. As long as there were both angels and demons after him, his friend would never be able to relax and live a real human life – if that actually was what he wanted. So far, Dean hadn’t been able to truly guage whether that was what Cas wanted or whether he was just accepting the hand he had been dealt in the best way that he could. It didn’t feel right leaving him alone. In a lot of ways it was like kicking a baby out into the world and turning your back on them. Angels may be immensely old and powerful but on a human plane – they were like newborns.

Dean turned on his side to watch Cas sleeping for a while. Cas had slept a few occasions when his energy had been depleted, but he had never looked so vulnerable as now. He hadn’t been eating enough and had lost some weight. His cheekbones were more defined than before. 

Dean closed his eyes briefly, calmed by the snoring sounds when there fell a sudden silence. It took him a few seconds to realise the silence and he opened his eyes and looked around. The hairs on his arms stood up on alert for danger and he looked towards Cas. The silence was emanating from him. He sat up, listening for any breathing sounds and heard none. He held still for another few seconds, willing Cas’s chest to move, his lungs to draw in breath, but they didn’t. 

“Cas?” He said.

Cas didn’t respond and Dean rose to his feet and moved to him, shaking his shoulders slightly to rouse him.

“Cas? Wake up buddy.” He said.

Still no breath. He shook him more forcefully this time and Cas leapt up as though he had been electrocuted and grabbed onto his arms gasping.

“Holy jesus..!” Dean cried out in surprise and Cas gasped, drawing in raggedy breaths as he clutched at him. “You weren’t breathing man, I thought…” Dean rambled but stopped short of his sentence when he saw that Cas’s face was glistening with tears.

Cas seemed to be unaware of the tears as he steadied his breathing and hung his head, still supported by Deans’ arms. Dean sat down, half on top of Cas’s body as he perched on the side of the bed to help support his friend’s frame and Cas fell forward into his embrace, causing Dean to catch him with one arm into a hug.

Cas had hugged him before, sometimes awkwardly, sometimes with a little too much force or personal contact for Dean, but right now he folded into Dean like paper. They sat like that for a few minutes. Dean’s body ached from holding so still and tense. He wasn’t very good at physical intimacy, unless it was during sex, but he fought his urge to separate their bodies as Cas continued to catch his breath.

“Are you ok?” He asked, patting Cas’s back like he was burping a baby almost and Cas exhaled a puff of warm air into his neck which made his skin prickle.

“I apologise.” Cas said weakly. 

Cas slowly released his hold and sat back.

“You stopped breathing. Does this happen a lot?” Dean enquired in concern.

“Only when I dream.” Cas assured.

“What kind of dreams are we talking about here? Coz that looked like more of a nightmare to me Cas.”

Cas looked to him and some realisation dawned in his expression.

“Nightmares are different from dreams.” Cas said as though he was unsure and Dean waited for his response. “I dream of the angels falling – my brothers and sisters, dying, burning as their wings…”

He couldn’t finish his sentence and began to shake and swallow down emotion, fighting it and Dean cupped one side of his face and actually shushed him like a baby.

“Listen buddy, it’s only natural to have those kind of nightmares, but you gotta give yourself a break. It wasn’t all your fault.” Dean empathised and Cas leaned into his hand.

Dean stroked his thumb across his cheek, feeling like it was the right thing to do to comfort him and was rewarded with a slight relaxing of Cas’s shoulders.

“They’ll go away. The nightmares. They will get less and less. Now that you’re human you’ll start to dream about dumb human crap.” He smiled jokingly and Cas opened his eyes and looked to him imploringly and desperately and the sight of such emotion pulled at Dean’s heart.

“You know you need to take care of yourself Cas. I need you to do that.” 

Cas nodded but Dean didn’t feel any real agreement in it. A pang of worry hit him and he slid his hand from Cas’s face down to his shoulder, squeezing both shoulders supportively.

“Cas, that angel tonight. He said he was drawn here because he could feel how much pain you’re in.” He said lightly, treading carefully. 

Cas looked at him.

“Are you? I mean, besides having lost your wings I mean.”

Cas looked at him silently for a long moment before he dipped his head slightly.

“As I said, I am having trouble controlling emotions. I am unsure how to regulate them.”

“But you don’t want to die.” Dean clarified nervously.

“No.” Cas agreed. “No I don’t wish to die Dean.”

Dean nodded in relief.

“I just wish that I could get better at all of this more quickly.” Cas confessed.

“At what?” Dean squeezed his shoulder again.

“Managing how I feel. Separating one emotion or need from another. You have no idea how hard that has been.”

“Talk to me.” Dean encouraged.

Cas turned his head and looked away from him and Dean frowned.

“Hey, talk to me.” Dean said again and squeezed Cas’s shoulder more forcefully. “What can I do?” Dean implored him and Cas’s shoulders sank, his eyes closing. “Cas, I…I don’t want it to be like this. I don’t want you to be out here on your own!”

Cas gave a nod of understanding and looked towards him.

Dean sighed. He was so fucked here. His best friend was alone, afraid and hurt, suffering learning how to exist in a foreign world and he couldn’t explain enough of a reason why it had to be this way. He looked to Cas again, swallowing hard.

“Cas, I…” a lump formed in his throat and his voice cracked.

Dean shook his head in self-loathing. Here was his angel – always more concerned about his humans than himself, always feeling love and sadness that he didn’t quite understand. He embraced him, folding his arms around him and pulling him close.  
Dean found most hugging scenarios difficult but for once, he could tell how much Cas needed it too. Cas was a little taken aback at his unusual enthusiasm, but made no comment and simply relaxed his face into Dean’s shoulder for a moment.  
Dean pulled back to look at him. Cas had the largest, most emotive eyes he’d ever seen on a guy. He often wondered whether they were a little of an angelic trait pushing their way to the surface of Jimmy Novaks’ face. They were the bluest of blue in colour. How could eyes look like that and not be divine?

Cas blinked, his black lashes falling gently and Dean realised he was staring. He blinked his own eyes and looked down to Cas’s mouth. Cas’s stereotypical five o’clock shadow was showing in this light and the odd temptation to touch it popped into Dean’s mind. His fingers tingled with the urge to drag his fingers across Cas’s jawline. Was the air getting thinner in here? 

Cas looked to him, searching his face, looking for answers as to what Dean was thinking. It could be unnerving how long Cas could stare deeply without blinking.

“Dean?” Cas said gently, tilting his head.

Dean blinked away his trance and sucked in a breath. Some of the thoughts he had had about Cas through the years definitely overstepped the boundaries of brotherhood. Normally they were fleeting, experienced when they were in close contact like now, but other times when they were apart for a time, he could imagine the taste of Cas’s mouth. You’d have to be an idiot not to notice how full and shapely Cas’s lips were. He’d caught himself repeatedly staring at them as Cas spoke, wondering what it would be like to kiss those lips.

He stiffened, feeling his body respond to the notion and he drew his hands away from Cas’s shoulders, clearing his throat as he tried to squeeze his thighs together and force down his growing erection. Cas frowned for a second and then seemed to realise, casting a glance to Dean’s groin.

Dean got up from the bed hastily, turning his back to him to hide the evidence of his thoughts.

“Anyway, long day tomorrow. Better hit the head and then sleep.” He announced and went into the bathroom.

He lay back against the bathroom door and cringed. Cas had seen. Shit. As if the poor guy wasn’t confused enough with everything that was going on! Dean kicked himself internally and ran some cold water over his face until his body behaved itself. He had no idea why he felt like this sometimes. He wasn’t into guys. No way. Women were all that he had eyes for. But…it’s almost like it wasn’t about Cas’s body really. It was about Cas in general. Maybe it was due to the fact that Cas had saved him from hell. Perhaps, there was always going to be something different between them due to all of the crazy stuff that had happened and Cas’s unwavering love and trust in him as a good man. Yeah, it was probably that. Cas looked at him like some kind of marvel – the model of a good man and it was hard not to enjoy that, to covet it, especially when he felt like he was the world’s biggest fuck up of all time.

Cas was like a blinding light of empathy shone on you when you felt like you deserved to die for being such a colossal failure. When someone looked at you with forgiveness and love like that, it was hard not to want it. Through the time they’d known each other, Cas’s reactions had become more human, but he still looked at Dean like that – especially when he thought Dean wasn’t looking. Maybe that need had started chipping away at what Dean considered to be beautiful and attractive. Jimmy Novak had been a good looking guy – there was no denying aesthetics, but when Jimmy had been restored to his body there had been no connection, no attraction for Dean. Jimmy had just been a good looking dude. With Cas in there, behind Jimmy’s eyes, fueling them…it was a different story and Dean had felt the full impact of that realisation the second that Cas had returned to Jimmy’s body, spoke to him as though he didn’t care about them and had walked away.

He’d felt almost a physical blow to his heart in that moment.

Dean looked to himself in the mirror. His face was still flushed. He cupped his groin, relieved to see that his manhood had began to behave itself and he straightened up, turning off the taps.

He walked back through to the room and paused. Cas was no longer in bed. 

“Cas?” He called out worriedly and looked around.

He rushed to the door, throwing it open and looked outside, relieved when he saw the angel standing looking up at the moon.

“Geez, trying to give me a heart attack?” He huffed and stood beside him.

Cas gave him a small smile and looked up again.

“It’s freezing out here.” He rubbed his hands together and noticed Cas shivering.

It was strange seeing him without his long trench coat. He wondered idly where it was.

“Come on. Don’t want you getting the flu.” Dean advised, putting his hand in the small of Cas’s back and urging him to move back into the room.

Once back inside, Cas caught Dean’s wrist and halted him. Dean faced him, an eyebrow raised in query.

“Dean. Now that I am human…” Cas began but seemed unsure how to complete the sentence, hanging his mouth open slightly as he frowned.

“Yeah?” Dean encouraged and Cas looked pained for a second as though he was trying to unravel his thoughts.

He seemed unable to put his thoughts into the correct words and huffed under his breath in frustration. Dean waited and Cas moved in towards him, leaving barely any distance between their chests. Dean immediately froze at the proximity. Cas looked into his eyes.

“Dean…” Cas’s tone was soft and inviting and Dean felt propelled forward by it.

He leaned into Cas’s mouth and kissed him. Cas brought his arms around him immediately, surrendering his whole body to Dean’s care. All thought disappeared in that moment. There was only Cas’s mouth, the taste of his tongue, the feel of the hairs on his chin and jaw scrapping lightly across his own and the unbelievable sense of euphoria, of finally giving into this.  
Dean’s hands wandered expertly over Cas’s frame, encouraging, needing and stroking his back and sliding up into Cas’s short silken hair. Cas angled his face to increase their pressure and made a few sighs of pleasure that made Dean’s manhood harden once more.

It wasn’t so different from kissing a woman really, aside from the facial hair and lack of breasts. Cas’s lips were as soft and receptive as any womans, his engagement in the kiss just as exciteable – if not more. Dean felt his confidence blossom and he gripped him tighter in his arms. He wanted. Hell yeah he wanted. The fact that he wanted to spread a man’s legs open and enter him didn’t faze him in this movement. It didn’t freak him out or make him feel embarrassed. No, his whole body burned at the thought and he moved them back to the bed with every intention of playing out what he had seen in a few pornos.

The only issue was Cas. Did he want that? The dude had had sex once with a woman – that didn’t bode well for consenting to guy on guy sex. Cas was vulnerable, childlike. He had to be careful here.

They fell down onto Cas’s bed, Dean on top of him, wrestling himself out of his shirt as they kissed. He opened his eyes to see Cas completely lost to the kiss. He pulled their faces apart with an intake of breath and Cas opened his eyes and looked up at him. The blue of his eyes were practically invisible with lust. His eyes looked almost black with it and it took Dean’s breath away.

“Cas, do you want to…” He breathed and Cas’s cheeks flushed.

“Yes.” He said and Dean nodded at him, calculating how this should go.

He looked around to his bag on the floor. He was sure he had something in there they could use. He leaned back down to place a chaste kiss on Cas’s mouth, before moving to his bag and rummaging around. Cas sat up to watch him, panting slightly. Dean located a tin of Vaseline and smiled triumphantly. He turned back to him, his manhood throbbing as he realised this was really going to happen. They both looked to each other, equally full of exhileration and fear at what they were going to do.  
Cas began to undress clumsily, never breaking eye contact. Dean removed his boots, socks and jeans while Cas undressed, feeling excited and scared at the same time, but he had no doubts that they should do this. There was no turning back.

Cas pushed himself back up the bed once naked and Dean looked to Cas’s body, his manhood and licked his lips. Every part of Cas was perfect and every molecule of Cas wanted this too. His body made evidence of that and Dean began to prepare himself with Vaseline. Cas watched him, his cheeks scarlet and his eyes blinking rapidly.

The attention Cas was giving him made his whole body quake and he crawled onto the bed over him. Cas lay back looking up at him in complete trust, opening his legs so that Dean was between his thighs. Their erections brushes against each other as they resumed kissing, their breathing coming in shorter bursts as they moved against each other, getting used to holding each other so intimately in this position. 

Dean slid his hands down Cas’s sides and to his rear, urging him to bring his knees up and rest his feet on the bed. Dean looked down at him and raised his eyebrows. Cas nodded and Dean slid a finger inside of his entrance. Cas sucked in a breath and tilted upwards slightly in surprise at the sensation and Dean kissed his lips softly to keep him relaxed. 

Dean had never done this before, so he wasn’t sure what he was doing but he figured that together they would make this work. He moved his finger in and out, concentrating on Cas’s breathing. Cas blinked a few times, focussing on the sensation inside of him, but he seemed relaxed.

After a moment Dean felt Cas’s muscles relax further and he looked to his face again. Cas was breathing in deep tones and had a look of concentration on his face and Dean chuckled at that.

“What are you doing?” He asked and Cas looked to him, his eyelids dropping into an expression of lust.

“Making room.” Cas said simply.

“Are you going all tantric on me?” Dean marvelled and Cas gave a small smile, flashing perfect white teeth at him. “You’ve only been human five minutes, where the hell did you learn about that?”

Cas frowned a little in confusion at his words, but realised with a grin that he was joking with him.

“Something called you tube. It kept coming up so I clicked on it.” He replied, biting his lip when Dean began to experiment, drawing his finger out and pushing three in now. 

Cas tilted upwards and closed his eyes, but was able to accommodate him.

“You never fail to surprise me buddy.” Dean chuckled and kissed his mouth, biting at his bottom lip as he did and pushing his fingers in and out.

Cas grunted at the sensation and kissed him back, biting experimentally too.

Dean withdrew his fingers, unable to wait any longer and entered him slowly. Cas held his breath and widened his eyes, grabbing a hold of Dean’s arms. Dean stopped half way inside and waited. Cas breathed for a second and then nodded. Dean carefully moved the rest of the way in until they were one. Cas panted and closed his eyes as he tried to adjust and Dean kissed into his neck.

The stubble didn’t bother him, neither did the feeling of another erection pushing up against his stomach, nor the flat muscled chest currently sticking to him with their combined sweat. Why had he always been so afraid of this?

He pulled gently at the skin of Cas’s neck with his teeth and felt Cas hum. The vibration of that voice rumbled through into Deans’ lips and he licked up to Cas’s adam’s apple. He could lick every inch of this man if he wanted and that thought fuelled him possessively.

“Dean…please…move.” Cas said in a throaty plead that made him thrust inside of him.

Cas grunted at the thrust and so Dean raised himself on his hands above him so he could read Cas’s face.

“Ok?” He asked and Cas closed his eyes and nodded. “Tell me if you need to stop.”

He gyrated slowly, taking him with care and gradually Cas’s expression softened and he began to move too. He could sense a little tension in him, but he was aware that anal sex wasn’t without some pain and discomfort. He kissed his mouth and slid his hands over Cas’s body, alighting his skin with gooseflesh and encouraging small sighs of pleasure from him. He wanted to learn how to make Cas feel good. He wanted to know how to do this well. He almost wished that he had had some prior experience.  
The longer he moved inside of him, the easier it became. The Vaseline wasn’t ideal, but it was evidently helping to ease some of the friction and Cas began to get more involved, roaming his hands over Dean’s back and cradling him with his thighs. It felt amazing, exhilarating and addictive and as he got his mojo on, he got into a flow that made Cas gasp repeatedly. There was the prostate then!

Cas’s gasps became moans and he looked up at Dean with an amazed expression.

“That’s right.” Dean joked, winking and Cas laughed between breaths.

Dean sped up his rhythm, banging the bedframe against the wall as Cas gripped onto him so tight that he was going to leave bruises. He wanted to keep going, not cum too quickly so he could watch Cas ruined and he didn’t have to wait long. Cas grunted and rocked his hips up to increase his depth, panting and moaning in that deep tone that made Dean want to ravage him all the more and Dean placed a hand on the headboard and hammered into him.

Cas threw his head back, baring his teeth and cried out and then they were sticky. Cas’s face, neck and chest were red as he breathed and Dean leaned down for one last kiss before he let himself go, emptying into his angel.

He held himself above, still bracing the headboard as he caught his breath and looked down at Cas’s face. Cas’s eyes were closed and he was still gasping.

“God you’re beautiful.” Dean whispered and Cas smiled tiredly and looked up at him.

“Chick flick moment?” Cas asked.

“Screw it.” Dean grinned and lowered himself down to kiss his lips and lay his face in at Cas’s neck.

Cas lay his hand on Dean’s back, turning his head to make room for Dean to place his face there and relaxed. Dean wanted to stay inside of him, never to sperate from him again, but he began to feel them leaking onto the bedclothes, so he pulled out of him and rolled onto his side.

Cas lay his legs down and sagged a little, turning his head to face him. They looked to each other.

Cas smiled, happy and carefree. Dean studied that expression. He’d never seen it on Cas before. It suited him. If only he could always be the one to make him look like that. No sooner had he had the thought than he felt his stomach drop. This was their moment, a wondrous and amazing moment…but that’s all it could be. Cas was human and hunted and he had to get back to Sam and prevent the end of the world as usual. He couldn’t take Cas back with him, no matter how much he wanted to.

Cas was smiling and looking up at ceiling as Dean’s thoughts spiralled. Dean lay his face into Cas’s neck again and placed a long kiss on his throat. He felt Cas encircle him with his arms and legs. God he felt so safe here, so loved. What he would give to stay here like this a while longer.

They snoozed a little, still wrapped around each other. Cas slept nightmare free. When Dean awoke it was to the sight of the sleeping ex-angel’s face next to his. He instinctively leaned in and kissed his lips, but Cas didn’t awaken. He lay for a few minutes, looking at him, remembering the feeling of being inside of him, of kissing those lips – owning them. Things would never be the same again between them. That thought ought to terrify him more, but right now in this warm bed, with his heart beating in love – he couldn’t worry.

Gradually Cas began to waken, his eyelashes fluttering as he roused and Dean lay in wait, stroking his hands over Cas’s chest and waist. Cas opened his eyes with a sigh and blinked at him.

“Morning sunshine.” Dean gave a small smile and Cas beamed at him – his eyes bright and full of emotion.

“I wasn’t dreaming.” Cas said and Dean raised an eyebrow mockingly.

“I doubt any dream could be that good.”

Cas closed his eyes and chuckled and Dean slid his hand down his body and to Cas’s newly awakened manhood. Cas let out a breath of surprise and looked to him embarrassed.

“I’m sorry, it keeps doing that.” He apologised and Dean chuckled.

“It’s supposed to.” 

Cas stared at him and then relaxed as Dean winked at him.

“What purpose could it serve every morning?” Cas was asking seriously but Dean simply shook his head at him and moved down, under the blankets to use his mouth and demonstrate on the wonder of morning sex.

He felt the muscles in Cas’s thighs tense and twitch and enjoyed the thrill of trying this. He’d never given head to a man before, but he was feeling pretty confident right now. If this was to be their only moment, then he was going to make it an explosive one. As with last night, Cas didn’t last very long before he was a writhing mess and Dean felt like the greatest lover the world had ever known.

“Dean, it’s…it’s going to…” Cas warned and Dean pulled his mouth away, replacing it with his hand.

He wasn’t quite ready to jump into swallowing any guy fluids just yet. He leaned up and watched Cas’s face turn purple as he worked him till he spilled over. The noises Cas made out of pleasure were porn worthy. 

Cas drew him down to kiss him and reached for Dean’s groin, but Dean took his hand and clasped their hands together instead, kissing him as he caught his breath.

“You don’t want..?” Cas asked in between kisses and Dean shook his head and smiled. 

“Dean.” Cas whispered as they broke their mouths apart and repositioned so they were lying face to face on their sides.

Dean reached out and dragged his fingers across Cas’s jaw slowly.

“Dean, I…I’ve always…” Cas tried to speak and Dean gave a small smile.

“I know.” He said and Cas searched his face. 

“Things are different now.” Cas added and Dean sighed, feeling the weight of their situation breaking to the surface.

Dean raised himself onto his elbow and lowered his eyes to the sheet beneath them.

“Yeah.” Dean agreed and Cas continued to stare at him. “You’re human now Cas. You’ve got a shot at having something normal, away from all of this end of the world crap. Away from the angels and demons and…”

“You.” Cas finished for him and Dean met his eyes, regretting it the instant he did as Cas’s expression tore at him.

“Listen you know I don’t do the talking about feelings thing. I just don’t.” Dean said, lifting Cas’s hand in his and bringing it to his chest, holding it there.

Cas’s eyes were heavy with pain but he looked to Dean’s chest, feeling his heart beat.  
“But you gotta know how important you are to me.”

“Family.” Cas mumbled, still looking to Dean’s chest.

“Yeah.” Dean nodded, squeezing Cas’s hand to get his attention. “But I don’t typically sleep with family members.”

Cas’s lip turned up at one corner in a small smile.

“You and me – we’re something different. I don’t wanna lose you, but I’m not gonna bring you down with me either.”

Cas swallowed and rolled onto his back, breaking their hands apart to rub his face and exhale.

“You have a real chance here and I’m not going to be the douchebag that blows that for you.” Dean said gently.

“And if I still had my powers.” Cas looked to him. “What would you do then?”

Dean licked his lips, thinking that through. No matter, Cas would still be hunted, still be dangerous for Sam. At least if he had his wings, then Dean would be more assured that he would be safe – that he could protect himself from harm, but it wouldn’t change anything right now.

Cas seemed to be able to read his mind and his expression softened to acceptance.

“This moment. Sharing this experience. You wish to forget about it?”

“I’ll never forget it.” Dean said immediately and Cas looked to him in surprise, but gratitude.

They ran out of words. Dean reached out and ran his fingers gently down Cas’s chest and arm, exploring the skin and smell of him, committing it to memory and Cas looked up at the ceiling and enjoyed it.

“I love you, Dean.” He whispered.

Dean kissed his shoulder in response and lay his face against Cas’s cheek.

“Dito, buddy.” He mumbled.

Cas frowned at the reference, trying to place where he had heard the word used as an exclamation of love before, but his memory failed him. Instead he accepted the meaning.

From across the room the shrill sound of Dean’s cell phone pierced the tranquility of their hiding place, ending their moment. They looked to one another, sharing one last look of love and contentment before Dean rose from the bed and crashed them back into the fucked up world they inhabited.

Back to business as usual.


End file.
